Being self conscious is something we all do at times. Maybe we’re not comfortable in certain situations, maybe the surroundings are a bit unfamiliar, maybe there’s just too many strong personalities in the room so we prefer to hide in our shell.
Whatever the reason, being self-conscious is rarely the best thing you can do.
So what can you do to boost your confidence and stop being so self conscious?
Just do it
There’s a lot to be said for Nike’s slogan.
Often the best way to get rid of your self-consciousness is just go ahead and ignore the feeling.
Sure, you might be nervous as well. But that’s fine – most people are happy enough to help you and take account of your worries because they’ve almost certainly been there, done that.
Which means don’t be afraid to admit that you’re self conscious and open up to some of the feelings you’re experiencing. But, equally don’t harp on about it for too long. A few seconds explanation, followed by being your normal self (or as close as you can get) will go down a lot better than a long sob story.
Imagine you’re just talking to one person
Your audience (or the group of people you’re sharing a space with) is likely bigger than just one person. But pretend (this is akin to faking it until you make it) and, in your mind’s eye, assume you’re just talking to one person.
Don’t stare at the person you’re thinking about – that would look freaky.
But talk to them – and only them – during whatever it is you need to say.
Of course, if you’re mingling then that advice doesn’t really hold. If you’re in a group of 2 or 3 or 4 people then there’s a good chance you’ll only be speaking to one of them at any given time.
Be an active listener
Active listening is something most of us don’t do.
Most of us spend the bulk of any conversation thinking about what we’re going to say next, rather than listening to what other people are saying.
Make the effort to actually listen to what other people are saying.
Then include that – or an answer to it – when you reply.
That will set you head and shoulders above most of the rest of the room.
And you’ll be repaid by people appreciating you more and giving you more leeway to be you.
Accept yourself
You are who you are.
Sure, you can change a few things over time but essentially your personality has been roughly the same since you reached adulthood.
Accept that!
If there’s bits of you that you don’t like, work on those separately but being self-conscious about the things you think aren’t right for you isn’t the correct thing to do.
Take a deep breath and think to yourself that everything’s as good as it can be. Think happy thoughts if that’s possible and definitely don’t dwell on any negatives.
Grab yourself by the scruff of the neck (metaphorically because it would look very weird if you did it physically) and tell yourself (in your head, not out loud) to pull yourself together.
Behave naturally
The more you try to impersonate that vision of the “perfect you” that only exists in your head, the more you’re setting yourself up for failure.
The more you just be yourself, the easier it is – because you’re not trying to be an actor as well as everything else you need to do.
The nice thing about behaving naturally is that it should be easy for you to do.
Switch perspectives
If you can switch and see the other person’s point of view, you’re onto a winner.
So many of us think we’re the only person with our point of view.
Which means that when someone else sees our point of view – even if they beg to differ on some of the points – we’re relieved.
OK, there are some viewpoints that polarize a room – religion and politics spring to mind – so stick to less contentious ideas unless you want to get into hot water very fast, And I’m going to assume that if you’re self conscious that’s not a path you want to go down.
Work on your subconscious
Our subconscious mind controls most of what we do – including how you feel as though everyone’s looking at you and judging you.
It’s difficult to talk directly to your subconscious but hypnosis can do that remarkably effectively.
Hypnosis will help you calm down. It will also help get rid of all those things in your head that are contributing to your self-consciousness.
It’s easy – download a file, listen to it.
It’s inexpensive.
And it’s discrete – no-one else will know what you’re listening to unless you tell them.
There’s a lot to be said for Nike’s slogan.
